THE NIGHT TRAIN TO MOSCOW
30 September 2006

Back on the night train, but this time it is taking us from St Petersburg to Moscow.

The cabin and carriage are identical to the one we were heading north in, less than 24 hours earlier. A middle-aged mother and her 20-something daughter are our fellow travellers in the cabin for the night. I hope I don’t snore.

We were at a festival called Appozicia. I have no idea if that means something or nothing. It all took place in one big old lecture theatre, stretched over the weekend. The promoter of the festival had no real idea what The17 was about, could not believe that no more than 17 people were allowed into the performance. He was a big, tough-looking bloke sporting a Jethro Tull Russia 2002 tour T-shirt.

‘What? You mean people cannot watch The17 perform? This is crazy. People have bought tickets to see all the artists perform and you say you won’t perform for them.’
‘But didn’t the people in Moscow at The Dom explain what The17 was.’
‘No. They just said a very famous man from England with his experimental choir.’
‘Well, it is experimental and part of the experiment is that there is no audience, just the 17 people who want to take part.’
‘How long does your performance take?’
‘About two hours.’
‘Two hours?!’ I was told 25 minutes by the people in Moscow. You can never believe people in Moscow. Look, I want your performance to happen as you want to do it, but can you do it in 40 minutes?’
‘Yes.’
‘Great. We let in the first 17 people who arrive this evening and you can have them for 40 minutes.’
‘Thanks. Can we have them all on stage with us and all the lights in the theatre switched off except one, and nobody else watching, not even staff, or you or journalists.’
‘Yes. As long as it does not take more than 40 minutes and you start at 6.30 exactly.’

The performance happened as agreed. I didn’t bother with all the rambling chitchat at the beginning. I just read out the proposed score that I had written on the plane on the way over, the one about imagining waking up tomorrow morning and all music had disappeared.

We and all of The17 were on stage gathered around the grand piano. It turned out to be one of the best events so far.

After it was done I watched another couple of performers, then had a shit meal in a café that had four of those tacky framed waterfall light things on the wall. I do not know how else to describe them. In London they would be hung for their ultimate kitsch-chic value but here I guess the café owner thought they looked modern and sophisticated. We saw nothing of St Petersburg other than the 100 yards between the hotel and the theatre. The café was between those two destinations.

After the meal and waterfalls and a drink in a bar with pictures on the wall of jazz greats it was a lift back to the station to get this midnight train to Moscow. I am now back up in my bunk making these notes and thinking about a score for the street drinkers that hang around Russian train stations. Or any street drinkers. Based on some notes I scribbled down earlier, this is my proposed newest score.

Corral a group of four street drinkers
willing to hum a note for one minute in
exchange for four cans of strong lager.
Indicate the note of D for them to hum in
unison with.
Record them humming this note
for one minute.
Give them the promised cans
of strong lager.

Corral a second group of four street
Drinkers willing to ooh a note
for one minute in exchange for four cans
of strong lager.
Indicate the note of F for them to ooh in
unison with.
Record them oohing this note
for one minute.
Give them the promised cans
of strong lager.

Corral a third group of four street
Drinkers willing to aah a note
for one minute in exchange for four cans
of strong lager.
Indicate the note of A for them to aah in
unison with.
Record them aahing this note
for one minute.
Give them the promised cans
of strong lager.

Corral a group of five street drinkers
wiling to howl a note
for one minute in exchange for five cans
of strong lager.
Indicate the note of D, an octave above
the D hummed by the first group, for
them to howl in unison with.
Record them howling this note
for one minute.
Give them the promised cans
of strong lager.

Combine and balance the recordings so
they can be played simultaneously.

Gather 17 people together.
This may include the various street
Drinkers.
Explain what you have done.
Play them the four recordings
Simultaneously.

Delete recordings.